The Holy Land in all it's glory

What can one say about the holy land that hasn't already been said? A lot actually. If you haven't already been don't bother, if you have I am sorry to hear that and if you have and loved it you must be either Jewish or a bible thumping Christian in which case it all makes sense. The truth of the matter is, I was mislead. My husband is a true blue Jew as I like to call him which means he was raised to believe that Israel is the holy land and in essence his "home away from home". Having been raised to believe this I noticed that the desert seemed to take on a whole new meaning for him, one which I chalk up to the effects of religious brainwashing.  I, having converted and therefore only joined the tribe in my later years thereby successfully avoided all conditioning regarding the holy land in what would have been my formative years. Since I wasn't already sold on Israel being this amazing place it really had to be all that in order to live up the expectations set for it by all my Jewish and bible thumping Christian friends.  

We decided to fly El Al both because they were the cheapest flights and because we figured they would be the safest. Big mistake. An Israeli air line is therefore full of Israelis who happen to have some pretty different ideas on etiquette and social acceptable standards of behaviour. Our flight left Toronto at 8:45 pm and I was looking forward to getting the kids to sleep but turns out that the other kids on the flight who seemingly had no parental units that in anyway were supervising them had plans of their own. Bed time- that's a crazy idea to a bunch of hooligans calling their own shots like out of some scene from Lord of the Flies. I was in shock but more importantly on the verge of committing a crime I truly am against-child abuse. So needless to say my kids didn't sleep particularly well and I had a very long 12 hour flight full of many opportunities to practice patience and restraint. 

Finally after the most painful flight of my life we had arrived. I noticed immediately how few of the people spoke English. Great there is nothing like not being able to effectively communicate when you are in a foreign country. So we got our bags, discovered that our carriage had been busted and made our way out of the airport. Thankfully Gordon's sister met up with us and helped us load onto a mini bus headed for Jerusalem. Oh keep in mind that in Israel they use the Middle Eastern way of negotiating so basically ignore fair game and accept that you are about to be screwed because chances are your experience in this style of negotiating pales in comparison. But hey who cares, just get us to our final destination already. 

So we arrived at the condo we were renting for the month to find out that it was kosher. For all those who don't know what that means-it's a lot of restrictions and  hoop jumping that are completely and utterly a waste of time. Unless of course you actually believe that God really gives a shit as to what exactly we are eating and how we eat it. Like he doesn't have better things to worry about. As a side note-My GOD had better have more important things that he is spending his time worrying about you know like world peace and hunger because if I find he is obsessing over meat and dairy dishes I am SO OUT. At this point I am already functioning on what I like to call a low level of religious faith so this discovery would just be like the straw that breaks the camels back and I will be forced to return to an existence purely based on science and logic, you know like the real opposite of the space you must be in to be following 100 Huntley Street. Consequently I had a grandmother that was a true fan of that show and she exemplified CRAZY.  

Would I liked to have had some sort of spiritual awakening while I was there? SURE. I won't turn down a good time if it arises. Did I have a spiritual awakening? NO, QUITE THE OPPOSITE. Was it a beautiful country? NOT REALLY. PICTURE SOME OLD DILAPIDATED BUILDINGS, WITH DUST EVERYWHERE AND IF YOU AREN'T SOLD YET IT'S A CAT LOVERS HEAVEN AS THEY ARE RUNNING WILD AND LIVING IN THE STREETS. NOTHING DEPICTS CHARMING MORE THAN AN OVERPOPULATION OF STRAY CATS, DUST AND RUBBLE. Did I feel more connected to my tribe? ABSOLUTELY NOT. Was I wishing I could be airvac'ed out of the country? EVERY SINGLE DAY!

I know I have only managed to cover the first 24 hours of my Israeli experience but it was a true plethora of fun times that deserves rightful attention to the many details and as such will require a continuation.